The Ugly Side of Me

So, this may be a hard one to write…things have been a bit stressful lately. I’ve had a history and struggle with anger, even mentioned it before. When things get stressful, I tend to spiral. Instead of being frustrated and moving on, I fester. I become consumed with all that isn’t right in the world of me.  Our church had a night of worship and by the end, I was in tears. I so clearly heard the voice of God.

As I sang the lyrics to some popular worship songs, I was noticing some of the individuals in front of me. I knew the “stuff” a few of them were going through. I ended up in tears, watching these people sing, praising our God, his goodness and faithfulness while they were walking in the valley. I have been so focused on things that don’t even matter. I’ve been irritated, angry, offended even. When I say it is trivial not only compared to what others were going through but, trivial, period end of story.

It occurred to me; I was focusing on things that I shouldn’t have been. At first, I thought I let the enemy in my head, distract me. Then I stumbled on this verse:

“Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit.” Romans 8:5 NLT

I allowed myself to fall into sin, again. I’ve always said that my anger is my sin. I said things, thought things that I am ashamed of. I was not focusing on things that would please the Spirit, rather I was dominated by my sinful, unimportant thoughts. You see, this is the very reason why we must stay in the Word, it must be a part of our everyday lives. Friends, this doesn’t mean we will be immune to sin or that we will never stumble. It means that we will be able to overcome these moments. Romans 12:12 comes to mind “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”  I don’t have to be stuck in sin. I am so thankful for my Lord and Savior.